I'm sorry

for my unfaithfulness to this blog. I have made efforts to update; I promise. They are just always interrupted. So....in an attempt to summarize the past two weeks, I am going to post a lot of pictures. Prepare yourself for the beauty of Oxford...


The building on the left is called the Radcliffe Camera, and it is a part of the Bodelian Library (picture courtesy of Scotland Hubbard). You can only get into the Radcliffe if you are a student at Oxford...you have to present your id card at the front desk, and allow them to look through your bag before you leave to make sure you aren't stealing any books - you can't check out any books from this library. Actually, the library system here is really complicated. It involves ordering books online to your name. You have to specify which library you want the books delivered to, and half a day later they will appear, reserved in your name. They aren't allowed to leave the location.Also, they transport them under the streets on a river type thingy. Sorry for the poor description (I wrote my first paper last night and only got thirty minutes of sleep...the latest night pulled in my college history. Needless to say, my writing skills are a bit weary).


Here I am with Pearson, Jamie and Mikey in the oldest pub in England, "Ye Olde Fighting Cocks." Pub food is a bit tricky - some of it is warm and tasty, fish and chips makes me feel a bit sick, and after a bad experience last Friday, I now avoid all cottage pie.


<-- I love fall. Enough said.


I went to London, and I only took a picture of pigeons eating french fries.



<-- Here is Wycliffe College, where I spend about three hours a day watching British History videos and listening to lectures. We also have at least one tea break a day...


This is the sunset view from my window at the Vines. It is even more beautiful in the mornings, when the fog is still sitting on the city and I am sipping a steaming cup of coffee.


There are lots of bikers in Oxford. I have recently joined them.Unfortunately, I am not skilled in this sport. I spend most of my time running in to poles, getting lost (I think the count is up to four), violently jumping off it to avoid bees, and breaking traffic laws. A couple of days ago, I almost got hit by a car. I just can't get used to their reversed streets.

Well....that gives you a small picture of my first weeks in Oxford.

Until next time.

From Pacific to Atlantic...

Read these photos as you would a book and you will glean several bits of information:

First, my mom is a Pilates superstar. Though she was sad about my departure, and tired from helping me pack my suitcases all afternoon, her core is tight and her breathing right on.


Second, my parents have interesting ways of expressing themselves - they use stuffed rabbits (named Jack and Jill) to "personify" their emotions. Here it is clear that they love and will miss their daughter.


Third, my mom sadly, did not get to come to the airport. But more happily, Alex did. Observe the three of us standing there, with two suitcases.


Fourth...oh wait...is something wrong here? Why am I standing with only one suitcase? Why does my face look sad?


Yes, that is right. British Airways lost my suitcase -- it made it to Heathrow, but it didn't make it to the baggage claim.

I am still waiting for its return, and have nothing more to say on the manner.

Before [Note the lethargic facial expression]:




After [Note the "exuberance"]:





There you go, my hair all short and "sas-say" as Jenny Mo says. I'm pretending I look British. You always have to dress the part.



Speaking of dressing the part, about a week ago my mom and I decided to come up with a list of the top ten things we do that make us feel self-righteous. If you want to add, please do.


1. Returning the shopping cart to its designated area.
2. Recycling.
3. Remembering to pray for someone.
4. Doing chores without being asked to (especially taking out the trash or emptying the dishwasher).
5. Randomly calling a friend to see how they're doing.
6. Breaking down boxes before you throw them out.
7. Replacing the toilet paper for the next person.
8. Cleaning up the kitchen - thoroughly - the way mom likes it (this was my dad's).
9. Finishing your workout.
10. Having tea instead of dessert.

Pretty awesome, huh?

One final thought: I don't know how I am going to make it at Oxford when I am currently constructing sentences like the one above. I don't think it actually qualifies as a sentence, like with a subject and object and stuff. Shoot...I should probably know that too.

The Advent of a more-updating you on life, less-rambling about theology Blog

Good morning all.

Well I know it has been a good three or four months since I posted on this blog, but I have recently been inspired to continue my posting. Part of this is because I will be leaving for Oxford in exactly two weeks, and I want to put up pictures and describe my adventures for all to see. But today I am going to start with summer adventures, or a summer "adventure" (by my definition).

The date was Monday, August 13th. The occasion: a lazy day off with my parents. The events: a trip to Balboa park, a stop at Barnes and Noble, and a home-made gourmet dinner.


Here is my mom, eating her vegetable soup on a lawn in Balboa. (For those of you who don't know, Balboa Park is a huge...park close to downtown San Diego. There are museums and fountains, rose gardens and stretches of grass. All of the buildings are graced by Spanish/Italian architecture. After lunch, we went to the Spanish village section of the park - comprised of small adobe shops surrounding a central square; the tiles of which are multi-colored. The shops are full of local art- paintings, ceramics, jewelry, etc.

After Balboa we moved on to Barnes and Noble, where I sipped on my Black/Green Iced Tea and read Real Simple. Bliss.



After a stop by Target and Trader Joe's, dear mother and I began our gourmet meal prep. Here is a picture of our appetizer: triple creme brie, currants and crackers. We also have the habit of sipping wine as we cook...and Norah Jones provides nostalgic background music.



Our meal turned out well. We made grilled garlic bread, topped with a Paprika Shrimp, Corn, Chorizo and Tomato Salad. Accompanying this was a mixed green, pear and toasted pecan salad. Yum. For dessert, we bought tropical fruit bars from Trader Joe's, and enjoyed them as we watched the "Deep Water" episode of Planet Earth.

Lastly, after dinner I opened the gift below from my Dad -- "Morning Thoughts" by Octavius Winslow. He bought it for me to read in the morning (hence the coffee mug) while I am in Oxford. He was a contemporary of Spurgeon's, and is apparently encouraging and gospel-focused. Oh...and the Calcium pills are in the picture because I am supposed to take one every morning. I figured you would want to be in on the whole routine.

Becoming Real

ATHANASIUS

A journal entry from my seventh-grade self:

“Yesterday was SO much fun. I saw *Shane and *Timmy at lunch, and *Shane said that I was one of the top 5 girls that he likes! Timmy said he likes Kellie more than me, but that’s okay because Shane is way cuter. And then when I was walking to band, *Drew pretended to run in to me. Maybe Shane will ask me to slow dance this Friday at the Halloween Dance!”

(*Names have been changed for self-protective purposes).

Conversation subject with young adults, especially between the ages of 12 and 14, may be stereotyped “shallow”. Now I am not saying that all junior high conversation is shallow, I am fundamentally pointing out that shallowness objectively exists. Further, if you talk to the same individual five or ten years later, it is likely that they will converse with you on a more adult level. Hopefully their worlds will not still be revolving around the next school dance, the next interaction with their crush, and shopping. Hopefully their education, work and social experience will have shed light on real life.

Once a person better understands the world around them, I would propose that he/she will live a fuller life—one that is not constantly looking forward to the parties on the weekends. Entertainment and self-indulgence will not need to be the highs of happiness; rather the now 24 adult may take pleasure in deepening friendships and exploring hobbies. His or her disposition towards the menial might shift from bored to content.

Summary: There are objective levels of “realness” in people. It seems that the broader knowledge and experience a person has, the more real he/she will become – and the more he/she will flourish as a human.

Now on to the next level.
It seems that these realities about people signify a deeper reality, one which is more philosophical. In other words, there is a reason that the above scenario intuitively feels and evidentially is true.
Here is the philosophy/theology, laid out in scripture, explored by Athanasius, and mediated to you by…well, me.

God, the Creator, made man with the purpose to know Him. He made us so that the extent to which we flourish (or are most “real”) is dependent on how much we know Him. However, because He is invisible, with out some self-revelation on his part we could not know him and so would be purposeless.

Therefore, he gave us a picture of Himself in us: “Upon men…He bestowed a grace which other creatures lacked – namely the impress of His own image, a share in the reasonable being of the very Word Himself” (3). God made us in His image so that we would know who He is, and flourish as humans.

When man disobeyed, he was ignoring this image of God in him, refusing to know God as He is. However, rather than giving up on man, God continued to manifest His invisible presence in the sensible world. He gave us creation, dictated a moral law, and spoke to us through the prophets: “[Men] could look up into the immensity of heaven, and by pondering the harmony of creation come to know its Ruler…or, if this was beyond them, they could converse with holy men, and through them learn to know God…or else, in the third place, they could cease from lukewarmness and lead a good life merely by knowing the law” (12You see, God provided further opportunity for us to know Him and so flourish.

Yet again men did not notice or know God. Though God had given them images of Himself, they refused to look up to heaven and acknowledge Him. Instead they looked down at the earth, forming idols, images in the shape of men. What else could God do to make Himself known?

He manifests himself in the form they are seeking; “He deals with them as a good teacher with his pupils, coming down to their level and using simple means” (15). In the person of Christ, God “moved as Man among men, meeting their senses, so to speak, half way. He became Himself an object for the senses, so that those who were seeking God in sensible things might apprehend the Father through the works which He, the Word of God, did in the body” (15).

Now if the persistence and wisdom of God isn’t enough here, consider this: The person of Christ manifested the image of God to our senses, but the person of Christ also restores the image of God inside of us and frees us to imitate God, thus displaying his image for others to see.

Okay, so recap:
We want to be “real”, and we were created to be “real” by knowing God, yet we need an image of God to know him. God continues to manifest his image outside of us, yet we continue to miss it. When he sends his image in human form, he is providing an image we cannot miss. Christ reveals and reinstills God’s image in men, so that now we know God through imitation. We not only see him in nature or in scripture, we see Him in our friends, in ourselves. We become more “real” not only by knowing God externally, but by knowing him internally and through imitation.

Ocean-like Understanding

IRENAEUS

“Why do you believe in Heaven?”
“Because the Bible tells me it exists.”
“How do you know that divorce/homosexuality is wrong?”
“Because the Bible tells me it is.”
“Why do you believe what the Bible says?”
“Because the Bible tells me to.”

Enter in: A long discussed dilemma of the Christian faith. When we must give reasons for our various beliefs, we often reference the Bible. Yet, the authority of the Bible to dictate our beliefs comes from the Bible. This reasoning seems, and is, circular. It also raises others complications: What if the Bible was mistranslated? What if different books were included in the Canon? Wouldn’t that make Christianity subject to change, and so shouldn’t you be less confident in your beliefs?

As I mentioned, this question is not new. Consider how especially difficult these concerns would have been in the earliest years of Christianity – when there was no canon. A Christian still would have had to defend his or her beliefs, and would have wanted to know their foundation.

Irenaeus, who lived from 140 – 203, was one of the earliest Christian theologians. In his work “The Demonstration of the Apostolic Preaching”, he explicates the foundations and various workings of the Christian faith. He did not have a canon to work off, and did not have a creed to refer to. So how did he assert over 50 pages of doctrine?

Irenaeus’ first assertion of truth was not biblically based. Rather, he says, “it is necessary that, things that are made should have the beginning of their making from some great cause; and the beginning of all things is God” (sct. 4). He notices the world around him, and by his reason realizes that someone had to precede everything created. He formulates the following assertion from this: “And therefore it is right first of all to believe that there is One God, the Father, who made and fashioned all things, and made what was not that it should be, and who, containing all things, alone is uncontained” (4).

His next observation of God is not so naturally inferred: “And, since God is rational, therefore by the Word He created the things that were made; and God is Spirit, and by the Spirit He adorned all things…” (5). Irenaeus is here referring to the doctrine of the trinity, and as if to show that this is not understandable by reason alone, he follows with a verse from scripture: “…as also the prophet says: By the word of the Lord were the heavens established, and by his spirit all their power” (5).

Though Irenaeus begins his collection of doctrine with reasonable deduction and observation, the overwhelming majority of his work is held together by threads of scripture. He does not strive to understand Christianity independent of outside resources, yet neither does he toss around verses lightly. Rather, he brilliantly cross references, knitting together history and prophecy to illuminate the work of Christ.

Here is what I think can be drawn from Irenaeus: A person may understand that God exists by natural deduction, but this is like looking at the ocean from the beach. You see the blueness, but you cannot know how cold it is or how the tide pulls the sand from under your toes. You smell the salt, but you have no idea how far it is to the first iceberg, or how brilliantly the fish and coral are colored. If you want to swim in the ocean, to begin to plunge into its depths – if you want to progress any farther in an understanding of God, you cannot stand on the shore of your own reason and experience. Instead, you must be willing to believe and depend on God’s words, which He has revealed in the Bible.

a study in sustenance

JOHN

A variation of Carbohydrates: Bread and Water. Mac’N’Cheese. Steamed Jasmine rice.
Caffeine in various forms: Coke, English breakfast tea (cream and sugar), coffee (black).
Nutrition in varying levels: A spinach salad, thick clam chowder, vanilla ice cream.

The above list was compiled to represent the numerous choices humans make concerning food. Between two and six times a day we stand with an empty plate and a ravenous appetite, knife and fork ready to slice and spear our life source. We must first decide what to eat, factoring in taste preferences, nutritional value and availability. We must consider that our choices affect our moods, our figures, and our energy.

After we have chewed, swallowed, slurped, chomped, and ______ (Insert eating verb of your choice), we sit back and pat our satisfied bellies.

Okay, ending description now. What is this all about? Case and Point: Loaves and Fishes. (Didn’t that clarify everything?)

This is all related to the Sunday School Story – you’ve heard it. The crowds are hungry, but for a thousand people there are only a few fish and loaves of bread. Jesus multiplies this food, feeds the crowd, and even gathers leftovers. Jesus provided for their practical need in abundance, and then used this to point them to a deeper, less easily understandable truth.

The day following this provision, the crowd again comes to Jesus, likely seeking more nourishment. Jesus had satisfied their physical hunger, and they became hungry soon after. Yet, rather than giving them more bread, Jesus points to a different appetite, describing himself as “The Bread of Life”. He sets his nourishment apart from physical nourishment – whoever comes to him “shall not hunger”. His sustenance gives life, not for a day, or a few hours, but eternally. By believing in who he is and what he has done, we can partake of the feast which forever satisfies us.

This story was especially poignant in Jewish Culture. Their history was filled with wandering in the desert: worn out, hungry, and surrounded by sand, they did not know when they would eat next. When Christ described himself as the “Bread of Life”, he would have been associated with a recognizable, regular need.

On the other hand, in the affluent country of America, we are rarely concerned about our next meal. Personally, all I have to do is walk five minutes to the Cafeteria, slide my student card, and choose from the spread before me.

How is Christ “The Bread of Life” for a people not struggling with poverty, but blessed with abundance?

Despite the over-abundance of food available to Americans, we are not an altogether healthy people. Actually, around 66% of adults over 20 are overweight (http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/overwt.htm). We have not learned to make good choices, and continue to eat beyond satisfying our body’s needs. Perhaps because food is accessible to us all the time, we think that it is meant to satisfy more than our appetite.

Every time we serve ourselves unnecessary seconds, we are acting as though we expect food to meet some non-physical need. We are spiritually starving, yet try to satiate spiritual cravings with food. It is insufficient, designed only to relieve our physical appetites.

Yet in God, through Jesus Christ, we can taste life, eat of it and partake of it until our souls no longer pant after meaning. We chew and swallow the bread of his body, offered to us through his death…we partake in his suffering…and then we taste the flavor of the rich, abundant life offered to us through his resurrection.

a narrative in the life of...

Last Wednesday, was, if I remember right...a beautiful day. Actually I have the tan lines to prove it...tan lines which I got from sitting by the fountain, reading I & II Timothy and Titus in preparation for our Thursday session.

And that is me trying to be creative in my introduction to a reflective, non-academic entry. I'm sorry that I so blatantly failed.

Anyways -- here I was, a bit sunburned but ready to discuss Paul's letters to young church leaders. The session began as they ordinarily do -- with prayer requests. That particular night there were four prayer requests that were especially heavy -- the kind of prayer requests that can't be mitigated by words of consolation. The Professor leading the session decided that we were going to take as long praying for these people as we wanted or needed to. He said that if we never talked about the texts, that would be fine.

Well, our class session is three hours long, and we didn't stop praying until there were only thirty minutes left. By the end of the time we were singing hymns, huddled on the floor and surrounded by used tissues.

For our institutionally required homework, our professor asked us to simply reflect on and write about this time. So here follows that reflection:

For the first ten minutes of this "reflective" time, I sat trying to manifest some right emotions about the night. Maybe this isn't the point, but I wasn't really that affected by the night.
There were definitely moments when I believe that God manifested Himself to me -- there were moments when I genuinely felt compassion for my friends and prayed for them out of love. There were lines in songs and portions of scripture that spoke the truth I needed to hear. But despite these moments of clarity and peace, I had unfulfilled expectations -- in some vague emotional way.
Maybe I am missing the point. Maybe it is inappropriate to search after a certain revelation of God, a pure feeling that is promised in prayer and worship and doesn't come. Again, a certain expectation in daily life for an ideal joy, joke, mood to characterize me that doesn't.

Okay end self-reflection before I go insane.

Begin to reflect on the event itself -- The first thing that strikes me is the community of this event. My Torrey Group has about 15 people in it, and we are not all best friends -- we see eachother twice a week, totaling 6 hours. Yet Thursday night we saw one another in weakness. No one pretended to offer solutions, rather open brokenness elicited honest empathy, from one human to another.
United by concern, confusion and pain, we entreated God for His mercy. In situations which demanded more than human wisdom can offer, we joined together to plead to the only One with infallible counsel. That is the second thing that strikes me.

I know that in description these truths sound simplistic, but in application, when lived, they are profound -- especially when one considers how rarely we rightly relate to others and to God.

Yes, I think that is what was beautiful about Thursday night. We were in our right places -- equal and compassionate to eachother, subservient to a merciful God.

C is for Contentment

PHILIPPIANS


My life has been and is a very happy one. I have experienced little loss. Three out of four of my grandparents are still alive. I have seen little conflict between my parents. I love and esteem my brother and sister. I go to an acclaimed university and am part of an amazing honors program – yet I am in no way burdened financially. I am surrounded by lively, loveable friends who walk alongside me offering prayer, wisdom, compassion, amusement and endless hours of their time. I have good health – I do not get chronic headaches, I have no food allergies, no serious injuries. I have everything to be grateful for, and nothing legitimate to complain of.

Yet most of my days are not characterized by thankfulness. Rather deep in my soul there is a constant murmuring that says, “I want more.”

I don’t think I am alone in this experience. Especially in Southern California, where an abundance of singles under the age of twenty-five own BMW’s, wear hundred dollar jeans, and think nothing of dropping four dollars for a latte at Starbucks. Though we live in a wealthy city in a wealthy country, we do not count this as gain but continue to search for more.

Recently, I have been contemplating what it means to live rightly in the context of day-to-day life. In other words, what would be the best way for me to participate in class, talk to my friends, do data basing at work, eat my meals, read my assignments, etc. I want each day to be vivacious, not just filled with menial and meaningless tasks. Most of the time I go through my day bored, wishing that class was more interesting and applicable, wishing my friends and I were having more provoking or hilarious conversation, wishing the Café wasn’t serving Spaghetti for dinner (sorry, not a huge pasta fan). Yet, these things rarely change or meet my wishes. I am beginning to wonder if “living life to the fullest” does not lie in life meeting my standards. If I want to enjoy life, then maybe I should lower my expectations so that I can greet each moment with wonder instead of disappointment.

I am alluding to the virtue of contentment, and the role it plays in everyday happenings. In Philippians, Paul describes this virtue in relation to his experience – he was imprisoned, poor and hungry. He was entirely dependent on the churches for provision. Still he says, “I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need” (4:11-12).

Notice that Paul says that he has learned contentment not only in “hunger” and “need”, but in “plenty” and “abundance”. Why would a man in physical pain say that he has learned to be content when he is comfortable? Isn’t that what he was longing for? Isn’t it natural to be content when a need is met?

Here Paul’s description of contentment reveals the nature of the virtue. By saying that he is content in hunger and in plenty, he is claiming that his happiness is independent of his surroundings. He has moved above his circumstances, so that they are no longer determining how he feels. Rather, his inward disposition is the lens through which he views the external world. He is not constantly experiencing ups and downs, taking his emotional temperature to see where he stands – he is steady.

I don’t want to end this blog assuming that this is easy. Actually, I realize that rising above circumstances or ideals is humanly impossible. Yet again, the benefits of this virtue are worth struggling for. With contentment, we have the ability to enjoy life when it is less than perfect. So, how is this internal strength possible? Paul reveals the secret to his contentment in the next verse: “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me” (4:13).

The Manly Man....

ROMANS/COLOSSIANS


I am not sure how to go about this post. I am facing another overwhelming topic – mostly I am limited because this idea is active and dynamic. Every time I try to grab at one aspect of it I quickly become distracted, drop it and run after another – kind of like a little kid in a toy store…or a candy shop…or an amusement park.

The topic has to do with the connection between our physical bodies and our relationship to an invisible God. In outline form, here is what I would like to communicate:

1. What we choose to do with our bodies is powerful, and makes us who we are.
2. What we choose to do with our bodies is superficial, and does not make us who we are.
3. Why God became man – to allow us to be who we are.

Okay so to expound on point number one: What we do with our bodies is powerful, and makes us who we are…

What I am mostly referring to in this is addiction, or habit. When a person begins to smoke, he may at first be moderate, but eventually he will be unable to say “no” to smoking. When a person has unhealthy eating habits, they may at first be a choice, but these choices will turn in to cravings that need to be satisfied. A lot of college students (my self included) have an addiction to caffeine. All of these habits may seem insignificant and not worthy of discussion, but the principal behind them has deeper implications.

In Romans Paul says that when we engage our bodies in sin, we will become enslaved to it. If a husband is angry with his wife, and instead of working through this anger he hits her, he is habituating his body to this response. It will become more and more difficult to not hit her, because he is becoming enslaved to it. Instead of rationally controlling his body, his fury is controlling his body. What he originally chose to do has become who he is.

I believe this topic is especially relevant in light of the ongoing debate about sexual rights and preferences. This is a topic which I am inexperienced in discussing, and apart from arguments I have heard from others, have little insight in to. So here are some of my initial personal thoughts. Actually, they aren’t even my original thoughts, they are Paul’s. In the first chapter of Romans, Paul writes a passage about people who do not believe in God. He describes them as wicked and foolish, as worshipping other gods. Yet the only sin which he describes in detail is sexual sin. The passage reads:

“Claiming to be wise, they became fools, and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles. Therefore God have them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves ... For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; and the men likewise were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error” (1:22-24, 26-27).

Notice that these people did not begin as enslaved to their desires. Notice also that what caused their enslavement was not in the practices themselves. Rather, it was the fact that they were foolish – rather than worshipping a glorious God, they worshipped images of him. In another childlike analogy: That is like choosing pictures of ice cream, instead of ice cream itself. So the real issue behind homosexuality is that we foolishly chose that which is less glorious, and then become enslaved to it. This is not what we were meant for, there is something better. This is bigger than our bodies.

Stay with me – this topic develops and is hopefully clarified by connecting Paul’s next letter, Colossians, with Romans. In Romans Paul has demonstrated that the choices we make with our bodies will enslave us to them. In Colossians Paul is writing to people who are trying to become “good people” by disciplining their bodies – they are acting as though sticking to regulations concerning their food, drink and holidays has the power to recommend them before God.

Why would the church at Colossae be tempted to purify their outward flesh? Maybe it is because they see their addictions, and believe that they only signify outward behavior. We want to know an invisible God and as physical beings try to approach him by correcting our external conduct.

Here lies the dichotomy: while our physical sins have the power to create addictions in our bodies, righting this behavior is not as simple as changing our external behavior. Yes, knowing God is related to our bodies, but not in the way we understand it to be. We think that becoming good is a matter of changing external habits, that homosexuality is a matter of sexual preferences, but we are more deeply human than our physical bodies and desires. If the ultimate goal in our lives is to cure ourselves of bad habits, like smoking, eating junk food, etc. then we are missing out. God’s design for humans is not so shallow.

Paul redirects our understanding by showing us the appropriate relationship between bodies and godliness. He describes Christ -- “in whom the whole fullness of deity dwells bodily”. God became man to show us what being man really is. Paul says that the old man is not the one who is concerned with external practices; “these are a shadow of the things that were to come; the reality, however, is found in Christ” (2:17) The old man is instead the one who walks in “sexual immorality, passion, evil desire and covetousness…anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk” (3: 5, 8). Likewise, these outward principles do not create any real change; they only have “an appearance of wisdom in promoting self-made religion and asceticism and severity to the body, but they are of no value in stopping the indulgence of the flesh” (2:23). The one who puts off the old man is enabled to walk in compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, patience, forbearance, love, peace and gratitude – he has become a new man.

Glory Glory!

II CORINTHIANS


There are some days when I am struck by how meaningless life is. I wake up, hounded by the routine of my thoughts and anxieties - the same cycle of guilt, confusion and rationalization begins in my first moments of consciousness. I am sure that all of my readers, and likely all of humanity, can relate on some level to the stagnation of life.

Maybe it is your third year at the same job, with the same coworkers, the same pace, the same tasks.
Maybe it is the loneliness that characterizes your goings to and from school, errands, and home.
Maybe it is the fatigue from holding yourself up to an invisible standard and realizing that you still have not reached it.
Maybe it is the apathy which colors your perception, has numbed you to any excitement, and has claimed you as a cynic.

These feelings are real, they are legitimate and trying to battle them is tiring. Some may not be as contemplative and so may not dwell on or analyze these emotions, but they are still true. All that is meaningless, is meaningless. To say otherwise is absurd and I am not going to try to write meaning into tasks or happiness into melancholy.

The trouble is "we were meant to live for so much more" (Quote: Switchfoot). There is a Magnificence in life that transforms our monotony into melodrama. There is not any independent meaning in our unvaried, uneventful biographies, but behind or beneath them there is that which is enthralling.

Every religion recognizes this heartfelt need to live for more, and offers some way to access this glory -- whether it be hours of meditation to reach Nirvana, sacrificing your life to please Allah, or a lifetime or being good to get to Heaven. Christianity also admits a desire to live for that which is great and glorious. Yet we recognize a problem in this design:

In the Old Testament, Moses went on top of Mount Sinai and God's glory came to him. When he came down from the mountain, bearing God's Commandments for the Israelite people, his face was radiant because he had communed with Majesty. He had to wear a veil over his face because the people could not look at it.

The trouble is that often, this glory is veiled to us. We look at our own inadequacies and shy away from anything better than us; we are comfortable enough in our fear and it seems easier to not believe that anything greater exists. We don't realize the possibility or the potential in daily life, don't think that we could ever draw near to some invisible worth behind our lives. We are tired of searching for meaning.

We can not see the glory in this life because we are separated from it by our humanity -- not just the fear of our failings, but our failings themselves. We can not see anything better than ourselves because we don't deserve to, we aren't good enough to see it. The good news is that through Jesus Christ we no longer have to blindly reach for purpose in our lives. The person of Jesus Christ enables us to draw near to this glory, to praise this glory, to behold it and allow it to transform us. Christ pulls us out of our condemning thoughts, out of our rationalizations and purposeless existence.

Christ covers for our failings and removes the veil between us and Glory. II Corinthians says "Since we have such a hope, we are very bold, not like Moses, who would put a veil over his face...for to this day, when they read the old covenant, that same veil remains unlifted, because only through Christ is it taken away." Christianity promises a life that has meaning and is relevant because through Christ we can know a Glorious God.

Free to Live

I CORINTHIANS

Here is a question: If you could live in any way that you wanted, how would you chose to live?

My first thought is that I would live a relaxing life. I would wake up when my body woke me up every morning. I would make a delicious breakfast, drink coffee and read -- all while sitting in a cozy armchair. I would work during the day -- enough to be kept busy but not enough to be stressed. I would go home, watch Gilmore Girls, spend time with friends and family, make dinner. I would use my free time to knit, listen to music, go for walks, flip through decorating magazines, or make collages. I think.

Actually, in a strange way, if I give myself the freedom to chose the ideal life I become confused - I am not sure why, but the above scene, which I wrote and created in complete freedom, does not seem like it would satisfy me. This is experiential -- have you ever had a Saturday that you used to "do what you wanted", and by the end you still didn't know what you wanted to do? There is a sense in which complete freedom is not beneficial; when left completely to our own discernment we make choices that hurt us instead of making us happy.

In my last entry I spoke of a freedom that Christianity offers -- the freedom to fail. We do not have to strive to become good people, restricted and condemned by the commands in the bible. We have already failed to meet them, we can freely admit our weakness. Another freedom Christianity offers is the freedom to live, and by this I mean Christianity enables us to live the best, most fulfilling life possible.

Allow me to explain: We think the commands in the Bible are bad, that they keep us from having a full and happy life. We think them bad because they're difficult, bad because we are bad at keeping them. But they aren't.
We think that we will be happy if we had more time to relax, if we had people who loved us more intimately, if we had more money -- but by experience we can verify that this isn't true.
So if what I think is good for me isn't good for me, then maybe what I think is bad for me isn't bad for me -- and maybe when humans try to redefine good and bad we are taking freedom a step too far.

The problem with my initial ideal is that it was characterized by selfishness -- a desire to meet my own wants and needs. Other people either serve to this end, or I ignore them. Though deceitfully masked to be satisfying, selfishness sucks the life out of life.

Though Christianity frees us to fail, it does not free us to live however we want. There is still a law governing the universe -- the law of love. If one "virtue" would characterize our actions, thoughts, plans, it ought and needs to be love. This is not meant to burden us, rather, love is the fullness of life. Without it, relationships would become tasks, learning would be a chore -- we would drag our feet to and from work, burdened. But with love, every aspect of life, no matter how menial, becomes vibrant.

Christianity has conquered selfishness and commands love, freeing us to live.

Free to Fail

GALATIANS

Pardon the odd analogy, but I feel like I am pregnant with an idea that I can't get out. I am honestly overwhelmed by it, and I want really badly to be able to communicate it in a way that people will understand but it is so much bigger than me and I am terrified that I won't be able to do it...

To further add to my literary angst, this is an idea that is revolutionary, an idea that in the past month and a half has flipped my world upside down.....or maybe right side up would be more accurate.

Here is the word, loaded with meaning, with the power to found a country, a religion, a lifestyle: Freedom.

In 1776, John Hancock was the first to sign the Declaration of Independence, a document which asserted America's freedom from the British Monarchy. In 1920 the nineteenth ammendment was passed, giving women the right to vote. Today many continue to assert their own personal freedom -- freedom to pursue happiness, freedom to marry whomever they want, freedom to be independent from their parents, freedom to live according to their personal preferences.

Freedom is far-reaching, and yet if there is one area that seems to frown on freedom it is Christianity. Many see Christianity as a religion of law, a religion that forces you to shape up, a religion that makes you successful. Christianity is perceived as a religion for good people, a religion for non-divorced church attenders. If you want to be a Christian you had better change your lifestyle, stop doing drugs, stop sleeping with your boyfriend, stop wanting to sleep with your boyfriend, stop complaining, stop gossiping, stop tolerating homosexuality and abortion and become a republican. All of these commands imposing on natural human instinct, they are the antithesis of freedom. And none of these commands are Christianity.

I will admit that there is a draw to the "self-help" nature of these commands -- if my life is not going how I want it to, and I know that not being on drugs will make me healthier and thus happier, then I am going to exert effort to stop doing drugs...and because of the benefits it might not seem so imposing. That does not change the fact that these laws are not Christianity: Christianity is not a "fix-yourself" religion.

Why not? Doesn't it make logical sense to adjust behavior that you intuitively know to be better? Someone might say and think this until they try it. Once they try it they will realize that it doesn't work how we want it to. Perhaps someone exerts will-power and has enough self-control to hold their tongue, to not complain. Though they are no longer voicing their cynicism, this will not change the fact that they continue to see life as something to grumble about.

Christianity is a religion that begins when you admit that you can't change yourself. Christianity is a religion for people who thought they were good, and then realized that they are only fooling themselves. It is for those who once thought they were strong, and have decided to humbly admit weakness. It is for those who now see their incompetency instead of their sufficiency.

Christianity frees bad people from striving to be good people. Christianity frees us to fail.

Lazy Liberty

I & II THESSALONIANS

In the Thessalonian Church, the members were misinformed -- some of them thought that Christ was about to return. This meant that each of them was going to be saved from the earth and taken to Heaven. They reacted accordingly -- essentially they went up on a hill, hung out, enjoyed themselves, and waited for paradise. Paul recognized this as being idle, or lazy, but instead of correcting their behavior he corrected their beliefs. He explained that Christ had not yet returned, that we did not know at what time he would return, and therefore there is still work to be done. Throughout his two letters to the Thessalonians, he devotes a large portion to explain the end times, and really only corrects them on one fault -- their idleness.

What stands out is that the Thessalonican lack of labor seems to stem from misunderstanding one truth.

After class our Professor asked us to write on this question: "As a 21st century person, what is our perception of idleness?"

Now I am not going to pretend that I have a full understanding as to what causes others to be lazy, but perhaps in considering my own tendencies I may illuminate portions of this truth.

What do I mean by idleness? I think idleness could be defined as being willing to settle.

Examples from my life:
Am I going to quit writing this blog and allow my mind to become immersed in the wonderful fourth season of Gilmore Girls? (this sounds utterly glorious right now...) I could probably finish this blog tomorrow, and I deserve to relax, I have had a long day.Am I going to walk in indifferent silence with my friends, passively observing their conversation, or am I going to engage with and enjoy them? Am I going to disengage in class and doodle mindlessly, or engage and enjoy learning? Am I going to sleep in an extra ten minutes so that I am rushed in to the day, or am I going to get up and savor the first (and likely only) moment of stillness, accompanied by a steaming cup of earl grey tea?

I suppose some of you might react and say: "so what - what if I am quiet person? or I don't like school? and I prefer sleep over any caffienated beverage." And to that I would reply -- "Okay, but you probably have other things in your life that you care about. The point is that a lot of times the things we care about take effort; they are not as easily actualized as we first imagined."

There is a truth behind all good things -- they are enjoyed by hard work. Even something like a leisurly vacation to New York was earned by a year at the office. We also live in a country that stands for liberty, taken so far that long-accepted morals are viewed through the lense of cynicism. Essentially, people doubt the value of the law to be anything besides restrictive on their own desires. Taking freedom so far makes it the enemy of hard work. We have placed these truths in opposition to eachother, when in fact they are a part of the same system. We think that hard-work is solely restrictive to our freedom, yet it enables us to pursue good things. Hard-work is actually the pathway to enjoying freedom.

So what theological doctrine do I see this solved by? Actually, by the death and resurrection of Christ.

1. Because of the resurrection of Christ, we have been set free. Not free in the sense that we can redefine the morality of the universe, but free in the sense that we can now pursue and enjoy being good people. Try to imagine an ideal relationship -- Do you wish you could love your boy/girlfriend more? Do you picture being insightful enough to help a friend in confusion and merciful enough to comfort them in difficulty? Normally you would be hindered by indifference or ignorance. But through Christ's resurrection he has conquered these vices and weaknesses; you are now freed to pursue all that is good.

2. Because of the death of Christ, these good things come through hard work. Christ could not have been raised from the dead if he had not died. If we do not die to our laziness and self-indulgence, we will not be able to know the good things we long for.

So there are my thoughts. Why do we work hard and battle idleness? Because that is the only way to have the good that we long for. How is this made possible? Because Christ has freed us to pursue what is good.

The beginnings of a non-emo blog

Hello! Friends, family, siblings - I welcome you to my new blog. Now, I realize that in some circles, xanga and blogging have become less popular, but I am determined to bring it back to life. Actually, that is not my goal whatsoever.

This blog is partially for school credit but moreso my own initiative. It will probably consist of (hopefully) thoughtful or thought-provoking commentaries on what I have been reading in school for Torrey. I am not sure what this will necessarily look like, but I think there may be times when I don't even mention specifics from the texts, which author provoked my ponderings, etc.

I cannot promise that this will be gramatically correct.

I cannot ensure that it will be amusing.

But it will be decidely regular...this decision was made by my institution, and if I do not comply to this regularity, I will no longer be a part of the institution. So yes, I do guarantee regularity.

Unless this fails. Which is not something I am necessarily afraid of.

So there you have it! I will be posting my first entry soon, maybe even tonight depending on my coherency. I appreciate any comments or lack of interest you might have.